a modest boyfriend

宇宙的神密，宁静星空
夜晚的华丽，倒影在湖中
一手的流星，尽在掌里绕
放不下是感情，和爱情的美妙

流失的梦，放纵去追
离别的人，如何挽回

留不住的星，早已模糊
你的脸，还是一样清楚



ok my first time experimenting with chinese

criticism is most welcome



though the 'modest boy friend' did not inspire much lol

i could not think of a title so haha there it is...


i've a few more unfinished but gimme some time

i'm a slow worker


Travis

i think i am depressed

i could not get to sleep last night
the pain is incredible
i felt like dying
not that i want to
i had to be really delusional and think about the beautiful things
i hope i'll be able to travel the world
so many things i want to do
i had to keep reminding myself of those things

this is a first for me


really getting emo here

eh..heh heh

what a long gap!
its been like 20 days since i last updated this thang
i prolly forgot about it cuz my firefox got washed out by sudden reboot after an update

i lost all my history and bookmarks

ugh!


and since this blogs url did not pop out on my browser i casually forgot about it hahah

i was thinking about it only this afternoon and i got back and hey my loyalest fan is here knockin on the door already

and... that, really brightened up my day

well cuz i havent been having a good one for quite some time...

lets see.. hmm where do i start... brb bath!



alrighty... *rub handsx2*



i am fuckin stressed out with my social life.
i am fuckin angry about things i cant change.
i am fucking swearing because i succumbed lowly to pressure.
i hate it when i have to swear crudely, cuz it shows i am vulnerable
i am this fucking close to breaking myself up.

this is what i feel at this point of time.

okay lets see.. social life
no its not tom =)

its my work people. buncha idiots. i've never really liked talking shit behind other peoples back cuz i dont like it to happen to me. yes corny but its about karma.
apparently someone feels i deserve it.

wait a min... its all of them! bastards! ganging up on me! fight like a man, bitches

hahahah LOL ok what am i talking about

so i was saying.. haha i am getting ganked(gaming lingo for gangbang) nowadays.

firstly, i was angry at this guy for being a immature and naive kid (he's 17 only) for being such a immature naive and whiny soldier. he was like a younger brother

ok he was a nice helpful guy who goes around helping his colleagues and his much appreciated by the boss and thus extra extra work load is bestowed

nowadays he goes around crying 'i'm am a overworked bitch, why is this happening! omg mdm is such a stupid freak"

ok those were my words but yeah in that context lol

i dont mind listening to your whiny comments about how the army sucks and all but dont. fucking. direct. your. hate. to. the. mdm.

i wont talk about how mdm chow salvaged me from the deepest shit and all that, cuz its enough for you guys to know where i'm standing.

ever since i told him about his immature thoughts, he started straying away from me

so i thought yep thats what he thinks i should be cool and respect it

okay so i noticed he started to influence the other people in the room about how unworthy the mdm is of their service and prolly what a bastard travis is for licking her boots.

so he goes on with a whiff of hypocrisy, executing orders given and comng back making scathing remarks about mdm chow in her face treating it as a crude joke

she does not deserve that at all kid

people who bite the hands that feed them
should be fed to the people who feed them

this is my principal, my way of life

yay corniness ftw w00t

still with me?

so it was last week

i walked away without the usual formalities one evening,
i walked away from it all. away from all the hypocrisy.

to be myself at last

it was a solace that expired the next day

because it was the arrow that started the war

over the week the whole office practically evolved into a mutiny in waiting.

cliques were formed, glances that held subtle messages were all around when tricky conversations are started.

common friends from other departments started to show hostility

some even have the cheek to ask why have i isolated myself from my band of brothers

hah

i did not even try to reply them since
they should have kept their noses away from this internal conflict

but their weak minds were swayed by scheming ideas
and they chose to take sides

right now, i'm like a lonely dog who bares its fangs to those who come near

sarcasm is the broken sword i wave weakly at the world

i'm feeling so threatened everytime i'm in the room.
everyday i feel alone
at least i know now.

i am just saddened and hurt by the faces of people
i feel so helpless that i could not have the strength to change this
i do think sometimes, am i that socially inadept to have lost all the people i thought i had known
all the relationships i had built over these 2 years




i havent posted like this in a long time, pardon the wall of text

thank you for your time to whoever is reading this



i know its a little improper to include it in here but if your reading this


HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEXY MOLE! MORE GOOD CHICKEN WINGS AHEAD !

hahahhahahah



tirednweary,

Travis