old times

some old pics i dont get bored looking at over time..

ok i dont know how this got here.. but okay i admit i love seeing myself in the mirror everyday

omg i'm devolving.. nooo my facee

T&T

some pics you just wanna burn and go shred the ashes...

and reburn...

i used to have this as my wallpaper.. it was a pretty memorable night for me
meeting a possesed girl and all. but it was the spontaneity that was impressionable cuz th just said hey lets pop over to the scouts and ncc chalet later and we're like ok and we're there...
ok.. yay! possessed girl ftw

well i noticed this blog has been quite dull.. though i try to change the msuic frequently... the only viewer is still wan ting... lol

i promise i'll try hard to whore myself to get that star blogger and prolly some skincare or hawker endorsements

woot


Travis

温柔

走在风中　今天阳光　突然好温柔
天的温柔　地的温柔　像你抱著我
然后发现　你的改变　孤单的今后
如果冷　该怎麼渡过

天边风光　身边的我　都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什麼　我从来都不懂
没有关係　你的世界　就让你拥有
不打扰　是我的温柔



i've been learning this song for a while, 
i realised i actually identified with this song

tragic, isnt it

transitions and compromise

hello peeps, i just finished service w00t.

it ended last week, i'm glad its over. i ditched the uniform in a bin outside my office that day and it was awesome. the bin cover in a hand, an emotional baggage in the other.

if you've been following me enough, you should know that i did not really click well with my colleagues in the last few months. i just backspaced a long line of sarcasm about them, cuz i realised i dont wanna talk about it anymore.

i'm finally done.


so whats next for me? thailand =)

i need monies for the trip, so i got a part time stint at ya kun this week. i know i wont stay long, just enough for my trip. maybe it was the lack of sleep, the first 2 hours was really an encouragement
i couldnt get to sleep last night, thinking about all the financial issues, and how i had to tackle it.

but all that just got me excited about the new transition i was about to have.

financial stability will be the first step for me.

i want my own money so bad. lots of it

my dad saves 400 each month for me, and i dont get to touch it, its not like i'm blowing it on toys like i used to. i proposed it for my music class and he says ask your mom.

as always, i did not.

its always the money so far and all the petty stuff.

i'm gonna change that.

i know i will be compromising alot on my ambitions, i've always been talking about doing film and all. its pissing me off

i've always been waiting to get out of the service eversince the first day, now that i have. i thought i would be able to do what i want, now i realise its not the way i want it to be going.

nevertheless i will perservere.

i wont say good bye to it, i'll keep it somewhere. some place similar where tom keeps me all the time.

thats life for me

thats me for you


jan

wheres my banana shake

after a trip around the world in my head and a few opinions i had about procrastination, i finally got my expense paid surgery to have my wretched wisdom tooth extracted. there was a point of time where i truly did not think i would make it in time before i got out of service, but i did.

all the negative thoughts of shelling out my own dough in the future to get my already half decaying wisdoms prolly stuck with dollops of mouldy dairy products and strips of sashimi from my youngers day just woke me up. yes i am that cheap =) be nice to your teeth kids

so i got into the operating robes and grabbed the papers to distract myself with the euros and not think about the scalpels and drills that would zouk out in my mouth later.
a while later this elderly indian lady came over and introduced herself as my anesthetician, i'm like oh hi! its my first time being gas'ed today be nice to me k

she came back a while later while i was reading up reports on the euros, she settled herself next to me and i was about to turn back to my papers, from the corner my eyes i saw a tray........

a yellow tray. sanitised needles.

shit! your gonna needle me now?!
yes dear... how old are you... (preparing, stripping, revealing the fresh needle)
ugh..21..
oh and your afraid of needles ha.ha.ha.
uhh haha yeah hahaha very...
(my surgeon sits down on my right)

so travis... you have a very unique surname.. how do you say it...
oh its shumlim haha( the old lady takes the back of my left hand and taps it over and over again...)
oh... so whats your chinese surname...
uh... (sharp sensation.. ooh.. i dont like that) *cringes* z..zhangg... ha..haha..hahahh.. ya.. its zhang
she laughs and says okay i'll need you to sign on this(old lady tapes up the needle that will be stuck on my hand for the drip)

so there, consciously i'm signing on this big red paper i dont know what is about when i was just explained to 5 seconds ago... i was focusing subconsciously more on the needle that is FRICKING STUCK INSIDE ME ON THE BACK OF MY HAND OMGWTFBBQ

yes i'm a big pussy, you heard me. i cant stand needles, really. i thought it wasn't too bad but i was rereading the same lines on dutch italy report for the next 10 min

i started to feel giddy and all, i thought its prolly my fasting since the day before...
by the will of god, i was brought on the operating table almost immediately, on the way i kept repating to the lady who was holding me up, is this normal i'm so dizzy right now tell me its normal

lol i was freakin out really baddd

i found myself back on the table with all the unlit spotlights in my face, i heard someone telling me its prolly the fear of needles. yeap it prolly is but dont remind me about that man...

i was sober enough to say i would fight and challenge the anesthetics, then i'd have a great story to tell, staying awake throughout the whole ordeal was an ego trip for me. killing the dragon with my barehands woohooo siegfried's my new last name hah!


i found myself again while they were pushing my bed into the ward.

so much for the heroics i promised. bah naivity!

i dont even remember when i got knocked out, all i was remember was of the chilling wave of antibiotics flowing thru my left arm, my fingers went weak at that thought, i prolly surrendered myself to unconsciousness because of that

with a bloodied mouth biting onto stacks of even more bloodied gauze. i felt really embarassed i had to spit all that gooey blood and saliva in front of the nurses while they changed me new gauzes. ugh...

my lower jaw was so numb by the jabs they gave me i couldnt even thank the nurses properly when i left

i really want to thank the dude who came out with anestethics, without it i would have
gone thru unimaginable pains to come out alive

and also the superb Dr Hur who did the surgery while she was heavily pregnant. i cant thank you more because the teeth were so delicately extracted i dont really feel as much pain as i was told of or ought to have. =)

evil tom must be so disappointed i dont have the swells on my face


the doctor wont let me play soccer this week, i'm really not happy about that man


anyways mom just bought a blender and i've been making nana' shakes everyday woohoo haha

You know that song 'If a body catch a body comin' through the rye'?

The Catcher in the Rye is a novel by J. D. Salinger. First published in the United States in 1951, the novel has been a frequently challenged book^[1][2][3] in its home country for its liberal use of profanity and portrayal of sexuality and teenage angst.

Originally published for adults,^[4] the novel has become a common part of high school and college curricula throughout the English-speaking world; it has also been translated into almost all of the world's major languages.^[5] Around 250,000 copies are sold each year, with total sales of more than 65 million.^[6]

The novel was chosen by Time magazine as one of the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to 2005.^[7]

The novel's protagonist, Holden Caulfield, has become an icon for teenage rebellion and defiance.^[8] Written in the first person, The Catcher in the Rye follows Holden's experiences in New York City in the days following his expulsion from Pencey Prep, a college preparatory school.

just finished this book a few days back, right after i bought it. i first heard about it since i read about the killed of John Lennon. the alleged killer was said to have been so affected by this book that it had an influenced him to some extent to go book himself a nice spot in the 7th circle of dante's hell. a friend once told me it was one of the books he would have in his dream library, i didnt really bother to go loook it up. i found it by chance while i was in Harris with tom

initially, i found the protaganist really funny, familiar, in an immature way, childish and all. very like me. i could relate to him, even now cuz i do go thru what he thinks time to time. he's always thinking everybody is phony and fake, hypocritical thru and thru, his world is always filled with such people. his cynical look at the world is sometimes depressingly helpless. very judgemental, very critical. whiny too

i pitied Holden alot for his cynical demeanor with the world which led to his loneliness.

the way he looked at things and the way the story went, it seemed he was destined to tumble down but he was lucky, to have a kid sister who picked him up from a bottomless pit which was kind of a twist for me

something from the book,

“I have a feeling that you’re riding for some kind of terrible, terrible fall. . . . The whole arrangement’s designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn’t supply them with. . . . So they gave up looking.”


i wont talk about my troubles and sound emoishly whiny


my afterthoughts were, hey maybe my teenage angst just started... lol
bah! i'm 21 already haha and i dont remember going thru such phases back then
maybe i was too engrossed with my games i kinda disconnected with the clock for a while
when i look back, i did see the fun i had, but it was just a beautiful, tiny spark not enough to light up an empty hole

i could not recall whatever else except for my games, much less the supposed teenage angst. maybe i was a docile kid all along, but at 21 years old, i'm an angsty adult lol

its like everythings been pushed back for some reason or none

okay, i'm just a late bloomer hahaha

"It's 'If a body meet a body coming through the rye'!" old Phoebe said. "It's a poem. By Robert Burns."

"I know it's a poem by Robert Burns."...

Anyway, I keep picturing these little kids playing some game in this big field or rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean, except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."

copycat

i'll never know why

the skies would cry

for the words that never rhyme


i'll never know why

the bells in the wind that never chime

or when the sun cease to shine,


like i'll never know

why the love for you

was meant till the end of time


okay i'm not very proud of the fact theres bound to be something similar out there haha but... just felt like doing something like that

hope you like it



tired...need sleep... haha


i'll try updating frequently.....

next time =)))


jan