the stupider thing in life is being your true self

if you were to characterise yourself with words, what would be the first that comes up in your head?

for me, sarcastic popped first.

i'm all to familiar with that word. i embrace is with open arms because i appreciate the beauty of it. being able to sound witty and cool at times, or just laying the insidious backlash on the unknowing victim. i manipulate it with astonishing ease in sinful comfort. it twirls around my tongue patiently for the prey that deserves its attention. the sweet ring of silence that lies in the wake of utter domination. i love it.

yet, i despise it as much as i admire it.

first for the subtlety it prides on. how glorious it is to creep in the shadows.

for none as damaging as sarcasm it is for human ties to crumble. to summon so much discord with a flick of the tongue, is absurd. friendships have failed because of it. chances might have dissipated in a blink. destinies might have changed charts

all this because of a moment of folly. the adminstration of carefully picked out words, built solely to destroy. none was meant to be salvaged. a serrated blade that is burrowed on your back, and you can't bloody pull out the bitch

because i know it all too well. i ask with my heart and all the lesser experiences i have had.

is it worth it?

is it worth to dent the bond that is shared, that you have built over the years or months with the time that you will never ever get back. whatever happened to the moments you spent with this person, laughing, gossiping, talking about your dreams, even sharing inimate secrets. how you have come to appreciate this person and taking him as your friend or even closer.

i'm not whining about being around sarcastic people all the time. but so what when some associates sarcasm with their egoistic humor and wit they pride themselves with. they rely on a pivot to look good, sound good actually. they never really stand up like the man who return blows head on.

but really, i'm just talking about myself

nobody who has ever shed their love for you however little, deserves such manner of conduct. for a dent is a dent, a scar. no matter how much love is poured back in, it will never be the same.


i learnt this the hard way. for i've wreaked enough to know. its a burden.

and i'm still learning to keep that tongue out of sight all though it rears its ugly tip now and then.

its one of those things you keep away in the dark, away from people.

i'm sorry if you had the chance to see my Self.

hey why should i be sorry for being myself?


for all that cockiness, yet soon, i will bow apologetically before you for forgiveness.

you see, all because i'm human. i know of limitations. i know myself too well for that big head that exudes sheer ignorance. i am a masochistic in that sense.

i find the need to suppress my own views with those that are derived from nowhere but its just my analytical mind working overtime.

i'm just highly critical of myself and what i do, to keep me in check all the time. to not step out of lines. patrolling every corner of the street, to prevent the ugly things beneath the skin from showing.

i wont glorify it as discipline, no i wont. because this is just one of my many simple self contradictions or denials.

lol... still with me? or your already getting out of this web of confusion




people have this thing for each other.

its invisible, its measurable. its a defensive mechanism. its a judge of character. its called tolerance.

because people hate Selfs they dont want to see. lousy characters who flashes their inner beauty can have fun with their sucky selfs till the next big bang comes along.

for those who have it for each other, they snuggle with each other's true self like its their own.

for the other balance, they just stop.

human love is all about tolerance.

when its gone,

Self will come knocking.








one of my Self