Perfection

Perfection itself is a flaw.



im sure my days spent experimenting with magic influenced me.

though some may call it a form of entertainment. or even a hobby. im not trying to be sophisticated but i do see it as an art.

do you remember the very first magic trick, that left an impression in you. the little element of suprise and excitement it instilled in you. one that you wouldnt mind telling your friends and renacting the scene all over again for the nth person you see.

i craved the attention i never got. i was an exhibitionist. the air of aristocracy made my head swell. that was why i picked up magic.

towards the end of my practicing, it was about 2 years. i've had enough. to be fair, i was losing interest and the money spent was pretty much.

but i really felt what i got out of it was more than what i had expected. minus the ego trips.

it was about the construction of thinking in this performing art that inspired this wall of text.

you see, in magic, what you see is what you get. that was what magicians were taught. so we had to design a performance that was perfect.

every gesture every word said. every movement, every tilt of the head. they are done for a reason. even studying the psychology of a crowds reaction.

the time we spend on that little technique whether its a flick of the pinky to switch the cards around the deck or a wave of the hands that made the deck disappear right in front of you, are all brilliantly conceived by some great magicians.

sure, i can have fifty ways to make make shiny coin vanish under your nose. some vanish it behind your ears, some like to put it in your hands and talk to you about the stars and moon and when their done you realise you were actually holding on to thin air.

hours and hours of unseen practicing were all put in just for that 1 performance that you may or may not appreciate.

whether it made you happy or not, to us it was all that matters.

but what really mattered to me was knowing, that i could have so many ways to achieve the same effect!

it just blew my mind away. cuz you might be doing that pretty coin vanish till your hands get sore, someone out there might have already had an absurdly easier way to do it.

i've said this before, you might want to walk or take a bus, its up to you. but you'll still get to orchard road

and as a grow up, i realise this philosopy is transferrable. it is applicable to life too.

i know i might have lost you somewhere, im just trying to be as vague as possible because i dont wanna reveal any jargons from the art here.

since then this mind of mine, has an obsession. its always striving to look at the other side of the coin. it has a belief that, every gesture must have an agenda to fulfil however minimal. a reason to suffice for everything.

it has enabled me to have extra sensitivity. to things, to situations, to people. i see flaws in others sooner and clearer. i identify problems succinctly. it is something that comes naturally for me.

along the way, the people i've seen. personalities and behaviours of different kinds or the ones like mine, reminds me alot of myself. looking the helplessly strong, or having exaggeratingly dull conversations, or sometimes meeting the philosophically succinct. perhaps deep inside i have this tendency to try to relate to them.

looking at their faces, the body language, the words they use, the way it comes out of their lips, scrutinizing every inch of their aura, determining where this person falls in to. the wannabe or the king of the hill are just one of the many names i have for the people out there.

for every person i met, i vowed to learn something from them, be it their loud and in your face kind of personality, or the soft spoken kind of hospitality. sometimes, when time is not a given, all i needed was the first impression to derive from, to supplement the inexhaustible knowledge greedy mind.

vacuuming all the details and information into the endless pit of greed. i take my time to peel the onion. savouring the scent of the fresh peels, enjoying the little bursts of moist that crackle in to my face. logically determining that, that was why the tears fell. so far so good. this new experience that is. crying for no emotional reason, i am intrigued. let it sting i said. so i abused myself longer till the layers of onion lie scattered, dead, on the floor.

so THAT is Onion.


there are times when i loathe it as much as someone. because it clouds my mind easily. i hestiate more because i think longer. it flaws my judgement in my search for the perfect answer.

and more importantly, it raises the ego. so high that it has overlooked myself. solving problems with such accuracy has sowed poisonous seeds in me. with the inability to look at my own flaws. it is incurable.

there are those who are already looking at me with a predisposed attitude. one that says whatever i spew is unnecessarily redundant. i dont blame them.

i guess its just an obsession with Balance

everytime i have a good vibe of something, i almost immediately look for any flaws. just when i say i'm bloody right about anything, i'll prove myself wrong.

i just want to feel the whole situation. look at it under different lights and angles.
all because i know i have to be wrong somewhere.

it is a weird and cynical obsession.

but really, its just my flawed perfection